


It's Only Rock and Roll

by TallulahBelle



Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Drama, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-10-01
Updated: 2009-10-01
Packaged: 2017-11-07 00:29:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/424887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TallulahBelle/pseuds/TallulahBelle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU/AH Jasper, a popular musician, doesn't believe that he is deserving of love. Alice, a long time fan of his, tries to convince him otherwise.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's Only Rock and Roll

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Jajo's Birthday.
> 
> Beta'd by Keepingupwiththekids

 “Oh! Yes…just like that…yes, harder…yes, YES!” The blonde girl, with dark roots, sensually gasped to me as I was currently fucking her against the brick wall a few feet from the stage that I was about to perform on with my band.

 I grunted in response, as I thrust up roughly again and again into her warm moist pussy.

 “Oh Jasperrrr…” she moaned aloud, as I apparently hit a sensitive spot inside her.

 My balls were starting to tighten, but it seemed that Jane, Jamie…uh, Jill, whatever her name was, was still ways off from cuming.

 Maneuvering one of my hands in between our bodies, while cleverly supporting her body with one arm and the wall, I swirled my thumb over her clit. She reacted immediately, by gripping my shoulders tightly and moaning even louder.

 “That’s it, baby, cum for me,” I murmured, pounding into her, not caring if I was getting rough.

 I felt her tighten around my cock as her orgasm hit, triggering mine to follow.

 “Uhhhnnn…” I moaned, giving one last hard pump into her, shooting my load into the condom protecting Jasper Jr.

 When we both came down from our high, I gently slid out of her and set her down on the floor, quickly throwing away the used condom and adjusting my pants. I pulled out a cigarette from my back pocket, along with my lucky silver lighter, with the scratched surface. Lighting my cigarette, I inhaled deeply before looking back at my latest conquest.

  _Goddamn, it was great being the lead singer._

 The girl looked at me with a coy smile, still flirting with me.

 “So…um, Jasper. What are you doing after the show?” She asked moving closer, tilting her head up, puckering her lips.

 I grinned at her and chucked her under the chin, affectionately.

 I didn’t kiss them…ever. That shit was too fucking intimate.

 “Well, sweet thing, the gents requested a little guy time,” I said, letting her down gently, giving her one last smile before I sent her on her way back out to the main room of the bar. I’d like to think that I gave her only fond memories when this night was over. Let her remember the fantasy of getting fucked by a rock star.

 I took another drag off my cigarette before tossing it into the ashtray nearby. It was almost “magic time”. The gents would be taking their places soon to begin the show.

 I heard the voices of my gents coming closer. A few seconds later my band mates came into view, walking down the dark narrow hallway that led to the stage area that was only a few steps away from where I was standing.

 “Jasper!” Garrett called over to me. “Where were you man?” He asked taking a look around the area and then sniffed the air.

 I just gave him a shit-eating grin.

 “Cigarette smoke before a show? There’s only one reason I know you do that shit…so blonde, brunette or redhead?” Garrett asked me with an answering smirk.

 “What can I say, Gar…I have some mad skills with the ladies,” I widen my eyes and wiggled my fingers, to show that I was joking with him.

 He lightly punched me on the shoulder. “Fucking Ho,” he teased.

 I was the “pretty” one of the bunch. Garrett would get some of the attention, but he was a one woman man. Kate had been the love of his life since forever. He never had the urge to look at another woman. He was the “gentlemanly” one, as he was always polite to our fans.

 At the same time I think he liked living vicariously through me and all my conquests with the girls that came to see us.

 Alec was the third of our trio. He was the “quiet” one with a bit of a baby face, but his drumming skills were beyond anything that I had ever heard. He spoke volumes when he was behind a drum kit and two sticks in his hands. Alec was mute when it came to his love life. If it wasn’t for the fact that we grew up together, I’d swear that the kid was still a virgin. I was at the same party the night that he lost it to the head cheerleader from our high school, after a few shots of tequila.

 Alec gave me a small smirk as well, as he twirled one of his drum sticks. Nothing ever fazed him.

 “Okay boys, ready to go?” Boomed the manager’s voice from behind us. “We have a packed house and I think they’re ready for a show. So…whatdya say?”

 I wasn’t the biggest fan of this manager. Chuck was a real slime ball, but he did have the best venue when it came to performing.

 “Sure, just let me grab Bessie Lou,” I replied as I picked up my Les Paul Studio, Gibson guitar. She was my pride and joy.

 “That’s what I like to hear!” Chuck said as he slapped me on the back and walked out onto the stage to announce us.

 “I really don’t like that guy. I’m sure that he’s gonna try and screw us out of the majority of our cut tonight,” Garrett said.

 “Yeah, but think about all the gigs we’ll be able to book because of it. We’ll get the money back then. Let’s just do the show,” I assured him, pulling the strap over my head. I would try to make sure we got our full due later.

 Alec just looked at me and shrugged, still twirling his sticks, playing air drums.

 Just then Chuck announced us, getting the crowd riled up for our entrance. This was the part that I could feel the adrenaline start to pump through my veins. I swear that I got a little hard right before I went out on stage.

 Singing and playing the guitar for me was a lot like a sexual experience. Both men and women looked to me to bring them to a sonic orgasm when I performed. I was great at reading a crowd. Some nights I would lead the gents into a more mellow set if I felt that the audience needed me to be a tender lover and other nights I would get loud and pound into them with the wail of my guitar.

 I was the perfect showman.

 As we ran onto the stage, I gauged that it was going to be a mix of songs tonight. I would start off with something hard and fast, letting them get the first taste of me as a hungry lover, demanding a swift climax from them. Then I would ease them into their second orgasm, and finally, I would ram it on home for our exit, leaving them feeling euphoric and tingling.

 They didn’t disappoint me. They came for me beautifully as I predicted.

 When it was over, I had a lot of female attention, but went back stage, following Garrett to Chuck’s office to get the pay for the show. Garrett was a great business man, but there were a few sticky people that made him lose his temper.

 Chuck’s office door was open as we approached. He was sitting behind his desk with a calculator and piles of cash. As soon as he saw us he plastered on a smile.

 “Boys! You were great tonight!” He enthused, standing up from behind the metal beige desk with dented front. He held out his hand for me to shake.

 “Thanks Chuck, we’re here to collect for tonight,” I said calmly, taking his sweaty, beefy hand in mine and shook it.

 “Well, I’ve got it for you right here…” he said, as he turned away from me, not even bothering to greet Garrett.

 He picked up an envelope, thick with cash. From the width of it, I was sure that it was a few hundred short. I reached for it and handed it immediately to Garrett to count. Chuck’s smile fell, alerting me that he did indeed short change us. I crossed my arms over my chest, blocking the doorway with a casual lean of my body against the frame in case the asshat tried to run.

 Garrett quickly counted and looked up at Chuck, furiously. “We’re missing five hundred,” he seethed.

 Chuck looked at me and nervously swallowed hard. I cocked an eyebrow at him, silently asking him to explain the missing funds.

 He gave a small laugh. “Well, boys…you see, we didn’t do as well as I thought…” he stammered, clearly lying.

 “Chuck, are you saying that the packed crowd out there, from stage to front door, didn’t bring in the money?” I asked him mockingly, giving the bastard one more chance to come clean.

 “Jasper, you know I give you what I can…” he held a hand out to me beseechingly.

 “Wrong answer, Chuck,” I unthreaded my arms a stood to my full height of six foot, two, ready to take the money that was owed us forcibly if necessary.

 “Now wait…Jasper, man…i-its…” Chuck stumbled through his words, but never got a chance to finish what he was saying as a feminine voice cut him off.

 “Chuck, just give them their money,” she said from behind me.

 I stiffened, but didn’t turn around. Garrett’s eyebrows shot up in surprise, looking beyond my shoulder to the open doorway.

  _Fuck, I knew that voice._

 I turned slowly and came face to face with Mary Alice Brandon, the Princess of Port Angeles, Washington, beloved only daughter to Mr. and Mrs. Brandon, owners of most of the clubs from here to Seattle, and an absolute pain in my ass.

 “Mary Alice,” I smirked at her, knowing that she hated being called by her first name.

 She frowned slightly. “Jasper,” she acknowledged politely, before turning to Garrett and doing the same.

 “Miss Brandon…” Chuck started nervously, but was yet again cut off by her.

 “I’ll deal with this. Why don’t you go have a drink at the bar,” Alice suggested lightly, but I knew that she expected her wishes to be followed through as she instructed.

 Chuck left the room, almost running, without even saying goodbye. Alice walked into the room and sat in Chuck’s empty chair.

 I couldn’t help but look at her. For as much as I wanted to strangle her with the expensive scarf she was wearing, she was a good looking girl. I always had a thing for delicate, dark-haired women.

 She reached over to the pile of cash on the desk and counted out five hundred more, handing it to me.

 “Thank you,” I said with a wink, trying to get in one more teasing poke at her.

 She narrowed her eyes, to try and put me in my place, but it only amused me. She looked cute when she was trying to act all business-like. The look may have put people like Chuck in their place, but then again, he worked for her father. I on the other hand, was a free agent with a band that was sought after by a good many bars in Washington and Oregon.

 I chuckled as I motioned for Garrett, to follow me out the door. I wanted to be packed up and back at the apartment by one in the morning if I could. One of the college girls down the hall may be up for some early morning activities.

 “Jasper,” Alice addressed me quietly. I turned back around to see her with a serious expression on her face. Garrett left us to go help Alec pack up our gear.

 “Miss Brandon,” I replied, staring down at her.

 “Your next show is at The Stone Wall on Thursday, correct?” She asked pleasantly.

 “Yeah, so?” I responded a bit snarky over what seemed like a rhetorical question coming from her.

 Alice was heavily involved in her father’s business. She would know what bands were playing at each of the ten bars that her family owned without having to check a schedule.

 “I’ll see you then. You may leave,” she ended haughtily, looking back at the paperwork and cash on the desk.

  _Did she just dismiss me?_

 Instead of leaving, I shut the door and moved behind the desk to lean over her, placing a hand on each side of her. She froze, but didn’t move away. I leaned in a little closer until my nose was near the top of her head. I breathed in her scent of jasmine and closed my eyes. My cock pressed against my jeans, wanting to get to her.

 “You smell good, Miss Alice,” I whispered, as I took another deep breath, placing my nose up against her soft tresses.

 “Don’t…tease me…” she whispered back, trembling softly.

I raised my hands off the desk and ran them gently up her bare arms to her shoulders, to cup her face in my hands and tilted her head back to look at me.

 Her eyes were closed and her mouth slightly parted, taking shallow breaths, as I continued to caress her features.

 “I’m not teasing, Alice,” I whispered next her ear, seeing the goose bumps rise immediately, my smirk firmly in place on my face.

 I leaned my head down, as I removed the scarf from around her neck, so I could take another whiff of her scent at the juncture of her neck and shoulder. I breathed in again, feeling myself becoming intoxicated. My fingers moving over her face until I came to her pouty lips. I rubbed my index finger across them once, twice, until she parted them and took it into her mouth to suck.

 As her tongue swirled around my finger, my cock strained against the denim fabric of my pants, wanting the same attention that she was giving to my finger.

 I placed my mouth against her bare neck and licked, tasting her lightly salted skin. She moaned from the contact, raising her hand to my head to run her petite fingers through my hair.

 I removed my finger from her mouth, and moved it down her neck and over to the top of her chest, just above her breasts. I rubbed my hand back and forth over that area, wanting her to ask me to move my hand lower. All the while I rubbed my tongue and lips along the graceful column of her neck.

 She was squirming in the chair, rubbing her legs slowly together.

 “Jasper…” she moaned.

  I carefully dipped the tips of my fingers between her breasts during the next pass I made with my hand. She leaned into my hand, trying to bring more contact between us, but I kept my path as steady as possible. She would have to beg for it to happen.

 “Yes Alice,” I purred into her ear before I took the fleshy part into my mouth to nibble between my teeth.

 “Oh Jasper…” she whimpered. “Please…more…” she said placing her hand on top of mine and entwined our fingers so that we were both rubbing her bare skin before she led them to cover one of her breasts.

 I could feel the harden nipple through the thin fabric of her dress and bra. I grinned into her neck, moving my other hand to cup her other breast. She moaned louder and arched herself into my hands turning her head into my neck.

 “Is this what you want?” I asked her.

 “More…” she moaned.

 My cock liked the sound of that.

 I quickly disengaged my hands and spun the chair around so that she was facing me. Her face was dreamy with passion.

 Sweet Jesus, she was fucking gorgeous when aroused.

 I reached for her and picked her up from the chair, moving over to the beat-up leather couch against the far wall. Sitting down with her in my lap, I slowly removed her shoes one at a time, massaging her feet, before moving my hand up along her legs.

 She had cuddled herself up against me, staring up at me with her big dark blue eyes looking like a deer caught in the headlights of my oncoming truck. Something protective came over me and wanted to reassure her in some way.

 I rubbed my thumb across her cheek before moving my hand between her breasts to feel her heart pounding a staccato beat. She placed her hand over mine like before.

  _Christ, was I really going to do this with her? She looked so vulnerable…almost virginal._

 I shook my head, and removed her from my lap. She whimpered, looking at me a little hurt.

 I leaned forward and placed my elbows on my knees and covered my face with my hands, trying to rub the mushy feelings from my brain. I glanced back at her, pushed up against the arm of couch, looking uncertain, putting on her shoes.

  _Shit, I’m an asshole. Maybe that’s a good thing. I can’t do this with her. She was too pure and out of my class._

 I stood up and held out my hand to help her rise. She stiffened when she saw it and stood up without help.

 “I’ll see you Thursday,” I mumbled as I walked to the door to leave.

 “That’s _it_?! You feel me up, drop me, and say see you Thursday,” she practically yelled at me.

 I twisted around to see her arms crossed under her breasts…those really soft breasts that fit perfectly in my hands, looking extremely angry.

 It was better to stop whatever I was feeling for her now and get back on track.

 “Yeah, I’ll see you Thursday,” I said with a false anger, wanting her to think of me as that cocky bastard that I showed to the world.

 Her expression soften, almost as if she saw what I was doing: pushing her away.

 “Jasper,” she whispered walking over to me, placing a hand on my arm, looking up at me with those blue eyes of hers with understanding. I felt that look go deep into me.

 I tried to move away, but she placed her free hand on my other arm, holding me in place. She was strong for such a little thing. She gave me a tentative smile.

 “Jasper, stop running from me,” she said.

 I frowned at her. “I’m not…we’re just not compatible,” I told her gruffly.

 She smirked at me, raising an eyebrow.

 “Mary Alice, stop,” I began, removing her hands from my arms. “We are from two different worlds. As soon as I walk out the door, I’m headed back to my apartment to see if one of neighbor girls will be awake to have a little fun with,” I smirked down at her as she flinched from the last piece of information.

 “In fact, I fucked one of the groupies right before the show. I’m never satisfied with one girl,” I told her matter of fact.

  _Now hammer that last nail in and she’ll stay away…_

 “So, why don’t you do a little shopping and buy a new pair of shoes with Daddy’s money? You’ll feel just as good as I will after I get a nice session of head,” I sneered.

 She looked up at me, hurt visible in their depths. She parted her plush lips as if to speak, but she said nothing.

 I turned to walk out the door, but she found her voice and told me to wait. I glanced back, not fully turning back around to face her. I wanted to leave and beat myself up for being so cruel, but I knew it was for the best. She would never leave me alone until I firmly pushed her away. I didn’t deserve such a girl as her and she didn’t deserve such a guy like me.

 “Please…just wait,” she sobbed, walking over to me.

 I could see her eyes filled with tears, as she stood before me. I almost gave in and took her in my arms and apologize for being so terrible to her.

 “I will let you go and never bother you again, if you do one thing for me right now,” she pleaded.

 “What is that?”  I asked coldly. I think I would agree to anything if it meant that she would try to go live a life where she would find the man who would get down on bended knees and worship her as she should be worshiped.

 “Kiss me,” she whispered. “Kiss me and mean it.”

 Fuck, she knew me too well. She knew I never gave out that form of affection to anyone.

 I clenched my jaw and released it. “No.”

 Her eyes bore into mine, but I refused to let her see any form of weakness in me. I needed to do this for her.

 “Just one kiss Jasper, that’s all I’m asking,” she pressed, moving closer to me.

 I could feel the scent of her, slowly taking over my senses. The jasmine penetrating my being and calling me to her like a song from a siren.

 She placed one of her delicate, ivory hands over my heart. She gave a small smile and moved closer into my space; now feeling the heat of her body as well as her scent. I moved my hands to gently clasp her upper arms to push her back, but her essence had already worked its magic; I drew her into me.

 “Kiss me…” she whispered, her face lifted to mine, her eyes fluttering closed.

 I wrapped an arm around her and lifted her to me as I first rubbed my nose against hers, then moved it to the side of her nose before I angled my head so that our lips were almost touching.

 “A kiss and that’s all?” I whispered back.

 “Yes…” she murmured, eyes still closed and a small smile on her lips.

 I gave her a chaste kiss, barely brushing my lips against hers. I felt a low current of something flow through my body.

 She leaned in and pressed her lips firmly against mine, igniting my desire. I lifted her legs to place around my waist, as she wrapped her arms around my neck. I pressed her against the wall by the door for support, never breaking the contact of our lips.

 I sucked on her bottom lip, eliciting a soft moan from her. She moved her hand back into my hair, grabbing a fist full of my blond locks. It was painful and arousing at the same time. My cock agreed and thrust up into her soft mound, causing a moan to escape from both of us this time.

 I flicked my tongue across her lips, asking for entrance. She parted them, letting me slide my tongue along hers, tasting the wine that she must have had earlier. It was pure ambrosia.

 My body instinctively reacted to her movements, feeling her hard nipples and panty-clad pussy undulate against me. My hips fell into rhythm, rubbing myself against her heated lips.

 “Ummmm…” Alice moaned.

 Our lips broke apart, needing to breath, but I couldn’t stop touching her. My mouth went to her shoulder, leaving open mouth kisses there, while moving my hips a little faster, feeling the build-up of my excitement.

 Alice was moaning loudly and moving her hips with mine.

 I trailed my lips along her neck up to her mouth. I looked at her expression to see her eyes closed tightly and mouth opened. She was beautiful and I was screwed. I need to taste her again and raised my lips to hers, taking possession of them; showing her no mercy as I tried to suck something of her into me.

 I wanted some part of her, even if I couldn’t have it all. I needed it.

 She returned the urgency of the kiss, instinctively knowing what I needed. Knowing me…

 I moved my lips away, letting us breathe.

 She moved her hands to my face and gave a smile just for me. It was filled with an emotion that I hadn’t seen since I was a kid, and it stunned me into stillness; my hips stopping their movement.

 Alice’s smile faded and looked at me worriedly. “Jasper?” she whispered with concern, still holding my face in her hands.

 I squeezed my eyes closed and looked back at her, breathing harshly.

 “No…not for me,” I told her.

 I removed her body from around mine. She reached up, trying to hold onto me, but I took her wrists in my hands and pushed them towards her.

 “Jasper…please,” Alice begged.

 “I can’t…you know better,” I told her, putting some room between us.

 Her pain turned to anger. “Can’t or _won’t_?” She asked fiercely.

 “Alice, just drop it and forget this ever happened. I already have,” I told her as I moved to the door and opened it with more than I intended to, startling a few stragglers standing nearby on the other side.

 “Bullshit!! You’re just scared!” She yelled.

 Yes, I was. The last time I gave myself to a woman, she left me, even after she said that she would always be there for me.

 “Bye, Alice,” I threw over my shoulder walking out the door, trying to locate my gents in the dimness of the hallway.

 “Jasper Hale, we belong together!!! She yelled behind me as I continued to walk away from her.

 “Do you hear me? YOU. ARE. MINE!!!” She yelled, sending a chill through me with her words.

 I found Garrett and Alec silently watching me as I approached them.

 “What?” I asked defensively.

 I so did not want to get into this shit with them.

 “Okay,” Garrett nodded at me and picked up his guitar case.

 I looked over at Alec who was still looking at me searchingly.

 “Alec, not now,” I told him, grabbing my own case and walking over to the back stage door.

 I walked out into the cool night air, relishing the light mist washing down on me. As if trying to help clean away all that had happened in the past hour.

 Except that it couldn’t. It couldn’t wash the heaviness laying over my thoughts and my heart.

 Unlocking my car, I threw my case and jacket into the backseat before I moved into the front. Turning the car on, the radio came alive, playing a soft Patsy Cline tune that I hadn’t heard in years. I turned it off, not wanting to find comfort in music.

 I pulled out of the parking lot and silently drove to my apartment. As I walked to my door, I could hear a party in full swing a few doors away. Normally, I would invite myself over, as I was always welcomed, but tonight was different.

 I didn’t turn on the lights as I walked into my apartment. I didn’t want anyone to think I was home.

 I lay down on my couch, kicking my shoes off and pulling the blanket resting on the back to cover me.

 My jumbled thoughts were of her.

 Her beauty.

 Her smell.

 Her touch.

 Her everything.

 I thought of her request and the emotions it brought. I thought she had stopped her dumb fascination with me.

 She was a smart girl. She should be with a smart man. A man who would put her first in life. I couldn’t give her that security. I could only give her pieces of a fantasy. I was scarred from growing up in a home without much warmth. Why did she ever think I could be her Prince Charming?

 She had everything that money could buy. She was the perfect student during our school days, the most popular girl, the homecoming queen, etc, etc. She was at the epicenter of all social activities. Everyone wanted to be her friend.

 Still, since I could remember, she followed me and would constantly invite me to her parties. Always managing to find out where I was at any given time and greeting me with a smile that lit up her face. She looked at me as if I was the most amazing thing she had ever seen.

 Garrett and Kate would tease me about how Alice was my number one fan.

 I thought it was harmless until she became persistent our senior year of high school, when I was getting serious with the gents about getting gigs at the local bars to perform and starting to write my own music.

 Alice, tried to get involved to help us out, but I wouldn’t let her. I didn’t want to use her connections with her family to get us club dates. I had to do this myself.

I finally had to get harsh and push her away.

 

_Flashback_

_I was standing by the lockers, before first period with Garrett and Kate talking out my books for my morning classes._

_“So, I was thinking of trying that place in Oregon, just over the border. They like to rotate different sounding bands, so I think we have a good shot getting booked,” I told Garrett, excited by the research I had gathered during the weekend._

_“Jasper!!” I heard the excited voiced coming from the side of me. I looked over to see Alice, fashionably dressed, practically skipping towards us._

_I gave her a polite nod and turned back to Garrett to finish what I was saying. “If we get The Route Five Bar to agree to book us, I’m sure that we have an in with the a few places in Vancouver…”_

_“Jasper, I can see what the schedule is for a few places around here, maybe Port Angeles! I would love to watch you perform,” Alice jumped into the conversation, looking happy that she had something to offer the group._

_My stomach dropped, thinking how much I would be in debt to Alice for setting a gig up for us. All she had to do was phone her Daddy and he would do anything for his one and only._

_No, I had to do this on my own merit, not as some pet project of Alice’s._

_“Alice, thank you, but I think we have this handled.” I tried to be nice in my response._

_“It would be no problem. I can call my Dad and see what days he has opened…”_

_My god, the girl was tenacious. I knew she had a bit of a crush on me, but would she expect me to be her boyfriend or something if I let her go through with this? I couldn’t be tied down to anything except the band. Anything else was just extra luggage._

_“Alice, I don’t need your help,” I responded roughly, shocking her into silence._

_Her face fell and looked as if she might cry._

_“Just please leave me alone Alice. **You’re not wanted here**.”_

_“Sorry, Jasper,” she whispered as her lips trembled. She excused herself and ran the other way._

_Garrett gave me a dirty look as Kate followed Alice._

_I felt like shit, but it was for the best. Alice was something pure, and I couldn’t allow her to be around me for too long or else she might get dragged down with me._

_Any time that I ran into Alice after that conversation, I made sure to keep myself as curt as possible or tease her about the things that annoyed her, like her full name or money. She soon learned to stay away, but that wasn’t always possible since after a year of playing various venues we got the noticed of one of the managers of her family’s bars. We would see her occasionally._

_I let Garrett take care of the money end, so my dealings in the business sense with the Brandon family were scarce._

 

 I fell asleep near four in the morning. Our kiss replaying in my head. I was surprised that she still felt something for me after all this time. It had been five years since that day at school, but for some reason she thought I was still worth her time.

 Not even my Mother had thought I was, after I reached a certain age. She had left Dad and me when I was nine. I never heard them fight or have an argument. She had referred to me as her “little man” and told me how much she loved me. Then one day she just took all her belongings and left us. Dad was a broken man and drank heavily after that.

 I told myself that I would never let another women put me in that position.

 Except that kissing Alice felt so good, better than most of the quickies I had with girls.

 

***

 

  I was feeling the lack of sleep that week after our performance and run in with Alice. I kept thinking about her, even dreaming. It was seriously fucking with me.

 I would wake in the morning, hard and having to rub one off after dreaming about the two of us in different positions. At some point during the dream she would tell me that we belonged together and give me that smile that said she cared for me.

 “Fucking hell, man, you look shitty,” Garrett said slapping me on the back, breaking my daze.

 “Thanks, Asshole. I’ll keep that in mind,” I retorted, pulling out a cigarette and lighting it.

 Alec walked up behind him, carrying the first round of equipment for tonight’s show. It was Thursday and I would be seeing Alice again tonight. I would try to make sure that there were people in the room with us if we had to be near each other. Of course, Garrett would take care of the money and I would play roadie and pack up the equipment with Alec.

 One of the bartenders let us in, holding the door open and showing us to the stage area. We had performed here twice before, and had always enjoyed the set-up of the stage. It was more intimate for a band and its audience. I had a feeling that I would be more mellow in my approach tonight.

 We got through set-up and sound check faster than expected and it left us some time to hang out back stage. The bar didn’t officially open for another ten minutes, but people were starting to straggle in for their first drink of the evening. Usually I would be out there with them, charming the ladies, but it just felt wrong tonight.

 Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Garrett and Alec eyeing me worriedly.

 Rubbing a hand over my face, I glanced over at them. “I’m fine,” I said.

 “Are you sure?” Garrett asked.

 “Yeah, don’t you worry about tonight,” I reassured.

 “That’s not what I’m worried about, Jasper,” Garrett said, walking over and placing a firm hand on my shoulder. “Tell me man, what happened with you and Alice.”

 I glared at him, but he wouldn’t back down. I squirmed a little under his patient expression. I didn’t need a shrink to spill my guts to, and talking about Alice would not help me.

 “The usual,” I said evasively, trying to move away from him.

 “Jasper, Alice is good people…”

 “That’s it exactly! She’s good people and I’m not. Why the hell does she want me?” I lashed out, cutting him off from finishing that thought.

 Garrett continued to look at me patiently. “I know you have issues about your Mom, but Alice is not her. In fact she has been around, mooning over you longer than any girl.”

 “She just wants the fantasy…” I said.

 “Jasper, she’s known you for over ten years. She’s seen you at your best and your worse. She’s still wants you man. She would be good for you,” Garrett said.

 One of the assistant managers broke up our conversation, announcing that it was time for us to go on stage.

 Without another word we broke apart and walked towards the stage area. I could already feel myself change into my stage persona, gearing up to give a performance that would leave them wanting more.

 After we were announced and moved on stage, I led the gents into a set of some of our livelier songs to bring up the mood in the place. I sensed that the crowd needed to forget their problems for an hour or two.

 It also helped me to forget about a certain brunette beauty. That is until I saw her sitting near the far end of the bar, close to the door, sitting quietly with a glass of white wine.

 I almost stopped in the middle of the song, but quickly recovered. I felt something in me jump at the sight of her. She looked out of place, sitting there watching us quietly while the rest of the bar was on their feet, getting into the music.

 My chest started to ache.

_I did this to her. I took away her light. I’m such a fuck-up._

 When the next song ended, the gents and I gave our thanks to the audience, but I wasn’t ready to get off stage yet. I felt I had to try to make it right between Alice and me, even if I could never be with her. At least I could give her something of me.

 Garrett turned to look at me when he sensed that I wasn’t going to follow. With a jerk of my head I told him to go on without me.

 I walked back to the mike, and started the opening of the song on my guitar. It was calm, but soulful; full of a quiet passion.

 I practically whispered the first line of the song, almost chickening out, but strived forward.

 The audience was completely silent, as I looked up to gauge their reaction. They were all intently looking at me, listening, but the one whose reaction I wanted to know the most had her eyes downcast. I couldn’t see what she was thinking or feeling.

 I was putting my whole being into that song, for her. To let her know what I could never tell her to her face.

 All those dreams that I had this week told me subconsciously what the kiss meant to me. It was the reason I couldn’t sleep or even look at another woman. Alice had managed to find the key to the door that I had locked up long ago.

 I would be everything for her in this moment. I would be the man that she needed and desired. Just for her.

 When I finished the last note, there was second of silence before the crowd burst into applause. I continued to watch Alice for any sort of reaction.

 Finally she gave it to me. Her shoulders heaved in a sob, before she covered her mouth and looked up at me. Her eyes were filled with tears.

 My heart broke. I didn’t make it right; I had ripped open her wounds and hurt her with my song.

 She looked away and stumbled out the front door.

 I looked down at the cheering audience and gave them my trademark smirk and a quick bow before I left the stage. I ran into Garrett and Alec as I walked into the back area.

 I started to speak, to try and apologize for monopolizing the stage for one more song, but Alec’s soft, deep voice spoke first.

 “She loves you, and you love her,” he said and then smiled.

 I stared at him for a moment, completely at a loss for words.

_Love._

 I took a deep breath and looked back at Garrett.

 “She does…so, what happened with you two?” He asked again.

 “We…we, kissed. _I_ kissed her,” I said looking down at the floor.

  Garrett placed both hands on my shoulders and shook me once to get my attention.

 “You felt something, didn’t you? You felt something for Alice?” He questioned.

 I swallowed hard, and then nodded, still looking down at my feet. I felt so low for hurting everyone, Alice especially.

 “Go get our money,” Garrett said.

 I looked up at him, surprised that he was telling me to do his job.

 He jerked his thumb behind him, in the direction of the office, “ _Go!_ Make it right, Jasper.”

 I moved woodenly to pass him, but he laid a hand on shoulder and gave it a subtle nudge before smiling at me. “You _do_ deserve her,” he said.

 Once again I nodded at him and continued down the small, darkly lit hallway to the office. The door was cracked open, letting a ray of the fluorescent light from within to guide me.

 When I reached the door, I took a moment to clear my head before I knocked.

 “Come in,” Alice’s soft voice called from the other side of the door.

 I opened it to find Alice standing with her back to me, going through some papers in a filing cabinet against the far wall.

 “Garrett, the money is on the desk in the white envelope,” she said with a little tremble in her voice.

 She was crying, but trying to be brave.

 I walked over to the desk and picked up the envelope, not bothering to open it. I knew that she was honest in her business dealings. It was one of the reasons the majority of bands performing in this area wanted to play at one of the venues owned by the Brandons.

 Her back was still to me, but I didn’t leave.

 She slightly turned her head my way, but not enough to see who it was.

 “Was there something else you needed Garrett? Can it wait until later?” She asked as cordially as possible, considering her physical and mental state.

 I fidgeted for a moment and let out the breath I had been holding.

 “Alice…” I began, only to see her turn around quickly to stare at me with a heartbroken expression.

  _Oh fucking hell. I broke her._

 I felt her pain keenly in my chest. I reached up with my hand and rubbed the area over my heart as if to ease the hurt.

 I was about to speak but she held up a hand asking me to wait, as more tears ran down her face.

 “Jasper…I get it. I do. I’m sorry for being such a pest…I know that I’m not good enough for you…” she said, but I cut her off stepping forward and taking her hands in mine.

  _Not good enough for me?!?! Is she fucking kidding me?_

 “Alice, no…no,” I said shaking my head at her, not believing what I was hearing coming out of her mouth.

 I lifted her chin to get her to look me in the eyes. Her upper lip was shaking with emotion; tears flowing freely down her face.

 “Alice, you are worth a hundred of me. You have this spark that I haven’t seen in anyone else; an honesty, purity and fearlessness that people try to achieve their whole lives. You had that from day one. Don’t you ever say that you aren’t good enough for something. You are amazing, Alice! I’m the one who isn’t good enough,” I told her earnestly.

 She reached up and placed her hands on my wrists, letting out a small sigh. “Jasper…”

 Except that I would let her finish what she was about to say. I cupped my hands around her beautiful face, and leaned forward, placing my forehead against hers. I closed my eyes, not able to look into hers.

 “Alice, I’m not some sort of knight in shining armor. I’m fucked up and don’t know how to have this type of relationship. You need someone who will put you on a pedestal and crown you his Queen. You deserve nothing less than that,” I whispered to her.

 I wanted Alice to be happy and feel secure.

 “Jasper, look at me,” she whispered.

 I opened my eyes slowly, and looked at her.

 She gave me that smile that held so much love in it and it was directed at me. I was humbled by her unconditional affection for me.

 “Jasper, I never wanted a knight in shining armor. They’re pretty boring to be honest. I want you. Only you…so, please, let me love you,” she pleaded.

 I didn’t know how to reply. I couldn’t let her give herself to me, I would only hurt her again.

 “Please don’t say no… I can see it on your face that you still think you are nothing. If I thought that for a second, I would never have fallen in love with you. I see how you are around Garrett and Alec, both people who would never have had a chance to make something of themselves, but you gave them hope. You gave them your friendship and took care of them. You give your friends everything of yourself and ask for nothing in return except their friendship. How is that not a noble gesture? How is that not worthy of my love?” She said smiling up at me, all the while stroking my face gently.

 I leaned into one of her hands and placed a small kiss into it.

 Could she really feel this for me? Could I really pass this by and hurt us both?

 Taking both of her hands in mine and lowering them between us, I looked into her face to see uncertainty reflected back at me.

 “Alice…will you do something for me?” I asked her quietly.

 “Anything, just ask me,” she said sincerely.

 “Kiss me…kiss me and mean it,” I asked her, letting her see the feelings that I had for her.

 Her smile was instant and dazzling. She let go of my hands and jumped into my arms, placing her lips on mine. She gave me all of her love in that kiss and I returned it as I held her to me.

 She was my Princess, my Queen, and my Knight in Shining Armor.

 She was my Alice.

**Author's Note:**

> *Music for this story- "How We Operate" by Gomez.


End file.
